Thank you, church family for being there for me. I really love being a part of this family. I am excited for all the new things to come. I'm inspired by your creativity. I am humbled by your dedication. I am uplifted by your laughter. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Wisdom, Old and New.

My grandmother used to say to us “Have I told you lately that I love you? Because I do.” I've been thinking about how important that was. And still is. Grandma heartily, and sometimes very plainly disapproved of things that we did when we were small... and when we were grown. I suppose though, there's a lot more room to understand the context of that disapproval when it comes from someone who loves you, and always did, from before you were born til she stepped off this mortal coil. And who took the time to tell you so regularly, both with clearly understood actions and plain words. What a gift we can give to children! Has it ever been said that a child was hugged too much? Too often told that they were precious and loved? What is the worst that could come of that? My son a few months ago remarked of a baby he had never met, the child of a person he had never met, but upon who's picture we were looking “She is important to somebody.” I want that sensitivity to the gentle spirit that dwells within each of us to always, ALWAYS be a part of the way he looks at the world. I fail at it often myself, so I don't know if I will be the best teacher. Maybe I'll just have to learn this from him instead. Perhaps the best I will be able to do is love him, and hug him and tell him every day that he is precious to me. In plain words tell him when I approve and when I disapprove. Practice forgiveness he can see, and hope that it is enough to flourish the gentle spirit in him that recognizes already the value of another child of God.

Dreams, and Goals, and Resolutions, Oh My!

Just a short post... Everyone is still so fresh and resolution-y right now... I just want to ask... How will this year be different?? If I start with myself, and move out in faith, how will my 2010 be different and better than the year before?

Makes me think of one of my all time favorite quotations:
"The place to improve the world is first in one's own heart and head and hands,
and then work outward from there."
— Robert M. Pirsig

In what ways do you hope to grow and change as a person of faith in the next year? How do you resolve to start that work in your own heart, head and hands?

In what ways do you want to see our church community do the same?
How do you begin to move outward with your faith?

What do you resolve to do differently, better or more of in your faith year?
How can we improve the world by improving on ourselves?

These are to me, frighteningly elementary, and simultaneously grandiose questions.
I'm looking forward to your answers and thoughts, dreams and hopes.

You know what? I felt the love tonight. I'm ready to work past the pain and grow in faith. Conflict and despair can jump start harmony and dedication and not always lead to decay. Not no, but how. Not who's gonna do it but what can I do. Moving on, looking forward, listening and looking to God. I am overflowing with joy sharing a meal with the brothers and sisters of my church family and am in awe of their talents. You are all a blessing to me!

Thought For The Day

"When you come to the edge of all the light that you know, And you are about to step off into the darkness of the unknown, Faith is knowing one of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught how to fly." - Barbara J. Winter

The Darkest Time of the Year

I have been thinking tonight, and it occurs to me after a very strange fashion, that this may be the darkest time of the year. Yes, in terms of the Earth's trip around the sun, we are now on our way back to long daylight hours and short dark nights. In the dusky hollow between Christmas and the new year though, many of us grow introspective, reflective, retrospective. We turn and look behind us at another 12 months gone by... slack-jawed, agape at the swift passage of time which has taken no notice of us as it dashes by, save perhaps to gray a hair, deepen a wrinkle, or add inches to young frames. It can make us melancholy, thinking of things left undone or unsaid. Wrongs not righted... goals not met... old times gone by. Meant-tos and should-haves. This is the time of year when we self-evaluate, make resolutions and simultaneously flog ourselves for falling short in the current year, while puffing ourselves up with great hopes for how spectacular we will be in the year ahead.

How do we get to this place every time? Well, to start with... it IS darker and colder. Our souls (and our bodies) would really appreciate it if we could make like a bear and crawl into a cave and wait for spring. (Goodbye Christmas, wake me when it's Easter!) We've all come off this family-friends-food-fun high that kicks us in the teeth when we find that it is over... our spirits seem to be in some sort of detox from the drug of conviviality and community. We've run ragged to every party, gathering, family function, school show, parade, company Christmas, reunion, potluck and shindig we can possibly cram into a month. We've shopped til we drop, or madly baked, cooked, created and crafted our gifts. We have compromised our health, our sleep, our waistlines and our wallets in the name of one big party that is increasingly lost on the celebrants. We've spent lots on things that maybe don't matter as much as the one thing we all need more of but can't ever get... time. We're tired of everything and thirsty for something more all at once. We are too much time out of joint, too much of the time.

The sense of the liturgical calendar is gone from our lives too, it seems. I know so many people that couldn't wait to get their Christmas decorations out before Thanksgiving... now, just a few days into the "Twelve Days of Christmas", they are all bemoaning what a chore it is that they must be taken down. Everyone is dreading the return to work, to school, to ordinary life. For them, the star in the East has already set. The shepherds have returned to the fields and flocks... the magi have gone home by another route. We get so caught up in preparing for the big party at the manger for weeks ahead of time, that we don't spend most of the 12 Days actually celebrating it. We don't wait for Epiphany to reveal the visions of the three kings. I have my guilty moments too... I used to leave the tree up somewhat unintentionally, but fairly consistently until February or March. Now I set a strict January 5th deadline. I know that the modern, progressive church does not necessarily set much store by a lot of seasonal/liturgical hoopla. Nor does the modern Christian very often either I suspect. That's okay... but I'm a bit of a medievalist on this score. I adore the changing seasons of the church calendar, and the natural calendar. I continue to the think about the words from Ecclesiastes, reminding us that there IS a season for everything, and a time for every purpose under heaven. I think about how that might benefit us, to reserve a little time for each part of our lives... the mundane, the extraordinary. The holy, the profane, the profound. The sacred and the secular. Some will disagree... but for myself, it gives meaning to things to think about them each in their own context, and as part of a cycle of continuation. It gives me hope in the dark days of winter... it gives me something else to look forward to, and a new season in which to dwell, reflect, and revel. I'm still celebrating Christmas, and you can't stop me!

My big resolution for 2010? To live a very full and rich life, with time set aside for each thing after it's own needs... including time for God... so that this time next year I'm feeling blessed and fulfilled, instead of wondering what I've done with another year.

Get Out Of The Way...

I'm pondering how much, and how often, we get in our own way.

I think about all the times we're asked to do something, something that will be really good for us, or for those around us, and we get all tangled up in doubt and second-guessing ourselves and the circumstances. We make excuses that become self-fulfilling prophecies. I wonder if Noah would have had as much trouble moving on faith as many of us do, whether we would even be here to talk about it.

God, I suspect, has more patience with us than we often rightly deserve. Like a parent who can calmly and capably repeat themselves 100 times until their child gets it right, until they understand. I hope that I, and others, are listening to what is being said to us, and through us. I hope that I have the faith to keep trying as long as God will keep repeating those instructions, to do what is asked of me.

In this time of year when we're busily making way for all the trimmings and trappings of a 21st Century Christmas... and hopefully also for that precious Christ-child, I pray that we all remember that we are on assignment. We're on a mission to make a highway through the desert... through the barren places of our own spirituality, and the desolate places in the world... make a road that will take us right to the source of love and light if we let it. Each of us, one voice, crying in the wilderness. I believe that voice is one, but not alone. It was never alone. This path has been walked countless times by numberless souls. Prophets, shepherds, servants, magi, brave young girls, wise old men, fools, saints, sinners, dreamers... and maybe even Jesus himself. And the voice of God, there the whole time, was and is patiently, gently guiding us.

Listen. Try it again. Don't give up. This work can be done... you can make this path, though the hills, the valleys, the curved places. God does not give up on us. God does not grow weary. Stop. Redirect yourself. Get out of the way so that you can make God's way. In the wilderness of our souls then, the road will be straight, and the desert will bloom.